It has happened.

One time I swore I was posting a picture of my desk and accidentally posted a photo from earlier that day of me in the shower. My boyfriend called to tell me but refused to help me remove the photo.

Another time I had Flicker and it automatically uploaded photos from my phone to the stream. I did not know this when I took a picture of my bottom to see if I could read the words on my undies.

Oops.

Not an issue of modesty. More an issue of a light colored dress and my only clean undies being a bright red thong.

Nope. Condoms

The one thing I can not share with my friends: bras.
This is a 42D bra. My fun bits have not been under a G since college. Currently my cups overflowed at a J cup and I’m sad that Breast Tissue Donation isn’t a thing.

I first learned to use the Metro to go to a boy’s house who lived by UCLA. I was in love with a boy at USC but I don’t discriminate. I didn’t have my drivers license and I liked sight seeing and feeling independent. I still love the bus and train and being a tourist here.

1. 1. Safety Call: 15 minutes after the first date starts you need a designated friend to call and check in on you. If possible this person should be within driving distance.

   a. They need to know the name of the person you are meeting and where the date is happening.

   b. Include any photos you may have.

   c. Do not feel weird about this. This shows your date that you have value in the eyes of others, and if they are going to have problems with you having a social life and friends, well, you have a problem with your date and it is time to leave.

   2. On Line Dating Profile : Pop a cruddy photo of yourself in with the mix

   a. We are honest people and in all fairness, it is really hard to keep ourselves posed so that other folks only see us from “MySpace Angles”.

   b. If they don’t adore you even when you don’t look so wonderful, are they really worth your time? You are more than a hot body.

   3. You live in The Bat Cave and its location is a secret.

   a. No one knows where you live. They don’t pick you up there and they don’t need the address to send you flowers until after the 3rd date and you feel safe and comfortable

   b. You need a place that is yours alone

   c. No one wants to watch television with their current love while sitting on the couch of a million one-night-stands.

   d. Stalkers

   4. You drive to the first date and meet in public.

   a. If you don’t drive, have a Metro Card, cab fare, Charged Cell phone or change for a pay phone

   b. You need a safe way out and home. . . alone.

   5. Ninja photo-shoot

   a. Casually take a picture of your date. Be sneaky if you need to be.

   b. E-mail it to yourself or a friend – We need to know who to look for if you go missing and we all know that sometimes people send us really old photos or straight up lie about what they look like. You’ve watched CSI – give the police something to find. Also, the MNSA will enjoy this update to your personal life.

   6. Permit to Carry – rubbers

   a. If you are too embarrassed to buy them, you are not mature enough to need them

   b. Even if you trust – cover the thrust

   7. Layer your clothing. This will buy you time to decide if you really want to remove them all.

   8. Know your own value and worth.

   a. If you like someone and they don’t like you back; it is because THEY don’t like you and NOT that you are not likeable. Everyone has taste and you may not be their flavor.

   b. You will have bad dates, with bumps and spills and missed connections and even a few trolls. It’s a bad date; you are not a bad person unworthy of a good date.

   9. Know why you are dating: for fun, for a spouse, for a partner in crime, to appease your parents? You won’t achieve your objective if you don’t know what it is.

   10. No Drinking or Drugs on your first date. You need to be in control and you deserve to remember every moment of your adventure.

   11. Your friends will need to hear about your dating and they will have all the alcohol and cupcakes you need to get you through this fun but strange adventure.

All of my holiday shopping is done, but you can still shop for me!
<a href="http://rebeccaclark.origamiowl.com/PWPShowCategoryProduct.ashx?ProgramCategoryId=139&quot; title="shop here! http://rebeccaclark.origamiowl.com

Oh no , manish minions. If you send me photos I will use them however I see fit.

So before you drunk text me or send me bad boy selfies… decide how public you want them to be.
Xoxo Princess
P.s. The full unedited image can be purchased from me for $20.00 , because… because I can.

For $10 from the sender of this photo, I will stop selling it…for a week.

Are you “Forever Alone” and tired of prying eyes trying to fix you up or pitying you for your relationship status?

Here is everything you need to pretend you have a girlfriend. Play the video into your voice mail and “accidentally” listen to it around your friends. Print and frame the photos.

And of course, you can always call me and I will be your girlfriend for a while.